Gap Year NEET PG 19

(click here for Part 1: Post result NEET 18)

It was 24th April 2018. The result of 2nd counselling came up today. Like the first, I wasn't allotted anything.  I had only filled General Medicine in my choices. Getting this top end branch at an okayish rank of 3500 was tough.  I wasn't expecting anything either. But the funda of Having No Expectations, doesn't always mean that the outcome wont disappoint you.

Its just that when it actually happens, when the counselling actually ended, it was Official. I will be preparing for another year.

When it comes to choosing a specialty, most medical students fall into 1 of 3 categories: 1) those who know exactly what they want to do; 2) those who have a sense of what they want to do but aren't sure; and 3) those who have no clue what they want to do, either because they haven't yet found something they like or because they like multiple specialties.

Lucky are those who fall into the first category. I was definitely into the latter camp.

Show me a career where the same thing happens day-in and day-out and I'll show you a bored human being. As a doctor, I wanted to see a variety of patients -- men and women, young and old, rich and poor, and so on -- and I want to treat a mix of medical conditions.

Choosing General Medicine would be the ideal choice.

I was already preparing for the central exams in May. Apart from the first month post result, where I completed the remainder of my internship, I never completely stopped studying. I badly wanted a break, but I felt I didn't deserve one.

Half of my friends who got a rank better than mine would join their desired branches, half of them below mine would also ultimately join, because they were getting their branches of choice at their ranks. Hence there were celebrations all around. I was being invited into parties; bdays went by, but I wasn't able to fit into any one of them.

All my life, I was looking at the world from winners perspective. Making it to the top medical college in the first attempt was a big deal. I was winning, and there was no reason for me to suspect that anything else could be true.

But now, I had lost. I lost significantly. I started seeing things from loser's perspective. Now, I could see the other side of the coin. Same situations, same people around but with changed perspectives. May be I needed this jolt to see the other side of the story. May be all we need is one defeat, which opens new perspectives which we never even noticed while we were on a winning spree.

I wanted the momentum to stay, and decided to join the coaching again.  Sitting in the same coaching all over again would be tough, that to alone and with your juniors in the same batch. Whenever I entered the class, I could see the sorry eyes. I didn't understand why the expression. But I had no time to explain to them. I didn't care.

I was fine. More than fine. I didn't want to answer people. I didn't want to explain anyone, I didn't want anyone to empathize. I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me.

There was nothing to feel sorry about. I was working towards what I actually wanted, I was working towards my ambitions, I felt energetic, I wanted to keep going.  And I knew not everyone would understand. But I knew who would.
It was time to go home.

 I was so used to the college library and hostel, that home seemed like a luxury I don't deserve. I changed my coaching centre to the one near my home. No more judging eyes, no more explanations. Starting is the toughest part. But once started, half the job is done.

There were moments when I felt lost and dejected. But I decided to hold on. I think all it needs is courage. Courage to move forwards even when the odds are against you and you always can give up. Everybody experiences the fear of failure, everyone feels like giving up sometime, but the winners chose to go forward.

"Some people win, some people lose. They both at one point of time felt the same urge to give it up at 'that moment' but winners continue to endure the pain of uncertainty and overcome the fear of failure, and stay put. That's what is courage and that is what separates winners from losers." The Fire In the Belly

People will always tell you, "Life isn't fair. You may not always get what you want."

But is there any harm trying? One thing I would never want, 10 years down the line, is repentance.

"Even xyz tried to do the same thing. He ended up getting a worse rank next year. And he even got a Gold medal in mbbs. Why do you think you could do it?"

Yes, Possibilities of things going wrong were much more. It wasn't an easy journey ahead. Odds were against me.  The Junior batch was known to be performing really well through out the mbbs. And I have always performed "average" in my proff exams.

Even some of my fellow batchmates, who have got the rank similar to mine, would say the same,
 " Yaar hum average hai. Dont be swayed by seeing the toppers. Jo mil raha hai le lete hai, uss field me Fodhenge"

I never Accepted that. Whenever anyone would called me Average, It used to burn inside. I was reminded of my school days, in class 9th and 10th when people advised me not to take up biology as I have being performing Average in school exams.

I just refused to accept it. I took it as a challenge, worked hard and got into MAMC.  Then the same people congratulated me, and told me I always have been such an excellent student. I deserve it.

People will change their opinions as the situation changes. They will try to fit in an opinion suiting the current situation. When the things are going in your favour, they will judge you as intelligent, confident. On the other hand, same set of people when you go wrong will label you as fool and insensible.

They will be quick to judge to, pass a comment and move on.

Hence I learned one thing, Never let anyone tell you, that you cant do something. Just because they can't, they will tell you, you cant.

If you got a dream, you got to protect it. People may doubt you, and may not even understand your dream, but they were never meant to. It is your dream and the responsibility is yours. When you are given a dream, you are also given the means. Gap in realising this is filled by YOUR hard work and intent.

I continued the preparation from home, revising the theory and grilling myself with grand tests. The May exams happened, there was a drastic improvement in my ranks, so much so I got a top 100 rank in the May PGI 18 exam. People were pleased and started congratulating. They were right to do so, I was getting many clinical branches at this rank. Especially the much sought, General surgery.

But I had no plans to settle for this. I had finally tasted some success and had no intentions to stop now.

People often underestimate the value of occasional failure in Life. Imagine, if you were just winning, winning, and winning all the time, you will never ever know the value of victory, you will never be able to put the same intense effort every time for you don't have the dejection of losing. You cannot have it easy all the time and yet have the hunger, the desire and the fire to win. You get charged by winning but you get to know the true value only when you lose. It makes you humble, and enables you to value sweet taste of victory when it comes.

 

During my preparation, I was in contact with 2-3 close friends, who tried to keep me motivated. And one best friend/study partner who was going through the same phase. I know others wanted to help too.  Having a limited group was a choice I made. I had little interest in knowing what's going on with the outside world. I wasn't able to ask my friends about their first day at work, first week, first surgery they did, first procedure, first scolding, first salary. How much I wanted to know, only I can tell. But I could not afford to get distracted. I didn't want to believe better life exists outside. Same routine day by day helped time to pass really quick.

I never felt the need for comparisons. There's a time in each persons life when he gets a major setback. I m grateful I got it early, when I had full support from my near and dear ones.

I believe everyone have their own timeline. I don't need to rush into things just because people around me are doing so.

There are people who graduated at 21, but didn't got a job till 27. There are people who finished graduation late at 25 and found work immediately. There were people who were so sure of what they r going to do when they were 16, but changed their mind at 26.

 Everything in our life happens according to our time, our clock. You may look at some of your friends and think they are ahead of you, may be some of them you feel are behind, but everything happens at their own pace. They have their own time and clock, and so do you. Be patient.

Don't let anyone rush you with their timelines.

My routine was simple: Try to wake up early, meditate, start. Study till the Days plan is over. Try to sleep back on time. Consistency is the key. Keeping up the momentum and maintaining rhythm was the plan.

I made sure I planned my next day the night before and also reflect over the day that went by. I did this by making records in my Diary, asking myself what was lacking today and how to solve it further. Day by Day, Week by Week it happened.

Yes, my handwriting is extremely horrible. In my defense it was end of the day and I was sleepy. Truly living up to the image of a Doctor. :P

There used to be bad days, some were good days, But I made sure my graph was always rising.

 

There were self doubts. There were moments when I felt I might end up getting the same rank next time, and it would be disastrous. How will I handle myself then? People had warned me about the risks. How will I answer them If I don't succeed?

But then I asked myself? Am I really answerable to them?

And then it clicks. You realize what's important and what isn't. You learn to care less about what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself. You realize how far you have come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that you would never recover. And you smile. You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you have fought to become.

What about Destiny?

They say our destiny is already written. Keep working hard and you will get what God has written for you. So what if God had not written a better rank for me ?What if all this turns into a waste? And I would end up in the same situation as before?

This doubt of mine was taken care of when I saw one of the videos of Dr Apurv Mehra, where he explains how Destiny works.

MEANING:

1st line:  WAHTEVER IS YOUR DESTINY YOU WILL MEET IT.

No one can snatch it away...You just need to keep working, and you will be rewarded with what destiny holds for you.

2nd line: But if you work hard enough, and impress him(God) by your persistence and sacrifices, you shall be rewarded with something that was never meant for you. Work so hard, that even God is forced to rewrite your destiny and give you what you really deserve. He might give you something that was not meant to be yours.

If you don't see people around you achieving great success, or no one in your family has ever gotten into top most medical college, yes may be you too are destined to not achieve those greats. But if you work hard enough, face those challenges, and refuse to accept what's already written for you,  then God might reconsider and rewrite your destiny.

 “Don’t let the opinions of the average man sway you. Dream, and he thinks you’re crazy. Succeed, and he thinks you’re lucky. Acquire wealth, and he thinks you’re greedy. Pay no attention. He simply doesn’t understand.” Robert G. Allen

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 It was last week of August. The notification for the Nov AIIMS exam released. This time registration was in 2 steps, basic and final, hence the early notification.

I read the notification, and thought this was it. The time has come. But I was scared. I wasn't ready. My grand tests scores were still not up to the mark, I had subjects left to do, things to revise, doubts to clear.

But then it struck me. I had already given the NEET exam last year with a, what I thought, was a full preparation. And its almost 8 months since that time, and I am still not ready. That is when I realised, there's no such thing as being completely ready. You are never going to feel like you have got it all sorted. It was time to start preparing for THE DAY.

THE NOVEMBER EXAMS

The Exam season was very stressful. Though I did manage to get decent ranks in my coaching, when the real exam comes, you are bound to feel the butterflies in your stomach. Eating Pantop daily before breakfast became a routine to avoid the  stress induced GERD and the subsequent chest pain.

Somehow I realised the importance of having a clear mind on the day of the exam, and managed to Shut off Stress on the day of the exam. Focussing the task at hand became the main priority. The exams went well.

Rank 65, AIIMS NOV 18

RANK 43, PGI NOV 18

I was satisfied with my preparation, not so with my performance.  My performance was not giving me Medicine in either of the central institutes since it got finished within the top 5 ranks.

 I did manage to secure a Medicine seat in the Peripheral AIIMS. There were celebrations, congratulations. There were noises around, to take up some clinical branches I was being offered at AIIMS Delhi and PGI.

But I had no time for all this, I had a unfinished task at hand. There was no time for insecurities. NEET was one month away.

The critical time was here. It was time to shut all distractions and insecurities. It was time to go to the zone, where you focus only at the task at hand. Nothing else, but the dream matters.

5th January 2019

The final day was here.  Was I ready? I wasnt so sure. I was a little excited though.  I had always waited for this day. I knew I had done every bit to prepare myself for this day. And I had no regrets. I knew, even after 3.5 hours of the exam, whatsoever be the performance, I still wont have any regrets. And that is what mattered. I smiled, took a selfie, and slept.

                                                                                                             ^^Yes Gap Year Makes you chubby :P

31st January 2019

Around a lakh people aged 24-30 from all over the country, were glued to their mobile screens refreshing their browsers. This time, they had a better website though.

AIR 366, NEET PG 2019.

There were tears rolling down from my mother's eyes. I had finally made it. It is at this moment, when you see your Parents, and their Proud Faces,  All of it, the struggle and sacrifices, seems worth it.

There were celebrations. People congratulated me, told me I have always been an excellent student. I deserve it. 

I was just relieved. Finally the phase is over. I had a good enough rank to get MD Medicine in Delhi. 

Many of my friends/juniors now ask me how I survived the year. I think the correct question is not 'How' but 'Why'. You need to find your reason, your passion, your inspiration. If you know 'why' you want to do something, you will definitely find the way.

I also got a chance to meet Dr Sumer Sethi, my inspirational figure. His contagious energy and timely motivational videos were of great help. Many  quotes in this post are excerpts from his book, "Fire in the Belly".

Never settle for anything less than you can be, no matter how hard it may be to achieve it.

Being average is an insult to yourself. Get up and work for what you want, and get up and take action in the direction of your dreams. Be ambitious, be driven, be action orientated and make it happen.

#MakeItHappen

#AagLagaDo